On Sitting Too Long

I was supposed to work a lunch shift yesterday but management pulled me into a double.  We had more guests than the suicide hotlines had teenage callers yesterday, which is quite a lot considering it's Valentine's Day weekend.  Unfortunately, I had a table who refused to cash out for three hours and therefore prevented me from making the money I should have made. 

Consider, dear readers, this fact (which, when elucidated, will seem painfully obvious): a restaurant has a very finite capacity.  This capacity is considered, via prioritization by your servers, in the form of tables.  Given that during a busy day, there must be a full staff, and that servers are (and sensibly so) assigned tables, each server may only have a specific number of tables.  For those of you doing the math at home, the end result is this: the longer you stay at a table, the longer it will take before the next party (who takes your place at the same table) cashes out.  Continue this line of logic and you'll note that sitting at a table without cashing out for an extended period of time drains the server of money.  It's like you're taking the server's beating heart and squeezing one of the veins.  You're cutting off my circulation, people.

For the Shrimpmongers out there who can't do the math: DON'T SIT AROUND FOR FOUR WHOLE F***ING HOURS WHEN THE RESTAURANT IS CLEARLY BUSY, YOU HEARTLESS IGNORANT BASTARDS.

I'm a nice guy.  During a slow day, if someone wants to sit, relax, and drink coffee at one of my tables when the other tables I have are clearly not being seated more than once in an hour, that's fine.  I'll cheerfully refill your coffees and bring you bread until you burst, even after your meal is through and you've cashed out.  No, I won't hire a horse and carriage or pull a sleigh to carry your roly poly asses out of my restaurant, but that's just because it's company policy.  If not, I might actually do it, and have a coworker videotape it so we can laugh at you on YouTube forever.  Hell, if we're extremely slow, I might even stop over and join your lazy afternoon conversation, because I might very well be that damn bored.

But seriously, folks.  Be considerate to your servers.  We're people too.  And some of us might actually carry hidden video cameras around just for our own sick, sardonic pleasure.